--Carol R. Cole, Ph.D., LMFT “Parenting with Love and Logic is a terrific book for parents that provide important concepts and practical solutions to help children. Learn fun, proven skills to help with defiant children and raise self-confident, motivated children. This win-win philosophy establishes healthy control and. Parenting With Love and Logic book. Read reviews from the world's largest community for readers. This parenting book shows you how to raise self-co.
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Book review: Parenting with Love and logic. Parenting With Love & Logic. Parenting with Love & Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay is a book about tough love. Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster W. Cline, , available at Book Depository with free delivery worldwide. download a cheap copy of Parenting With Love and Logic book by Jim Fay. Parenting with Love and Logic shows you how to parent effectively without anger, threats.
But I can understand your wanting it.
You can download it if you want. It's like that a lot for me too. I guess then you won't download it. Talk in a non-emotional but caring way: Write, "Your grades are far below your ability level.
Please give it some serious thought and be ready to share your plans for solving this. We'll be available to discuss this with you Friday night.
Be prepared to tell us what you plan to do and what support you'll need from us. Does that sound reasonable? They must do the rest. Be a positive model by talking about the importance of doing our own office work or homework.
Boredom When children say they're bored, it usually means "I want you to spend more time with me. When child says they're bored, say, "A lot of people do things they like so they won't be bored.
Are you saying there's nothing you like? If so, there may not be any option except to be bored. Is that a possibility? Children must rely on internal checks. Explain filtering by saying, "It's not a matter of trust. My office filters content - not because they don't trust us, but to prevent bad content from sneaking into the computers. Let's explore the filtering options together so we both feel good about what we decide.
Say, "If I were you, I'd sleep better knowing I never sent any info about myself to anyone whom I hadn't met face-to-face, because strangers can be dangerous.
If you think child is lying, say, "If it's the truth and I don't believe you, then it's sad for both of us. But if it's a lie and I don't believe you, then it's doubly sad for you. Say, "I've noticed that when I say something, you give me a certain look that I don't understand. Some kids do that because they don't feel it's safe to say that they're hurt or disappointed.
Do you have any thoughts on that? I'll be a good listener. Kids do it to beg their parents to talk to them. Say, "It looks like things aren't going well for you. When you can put your thoughts into words, come talk to me, and I'll listen. Say, "When I finish, you may want to give me that look you're so good at. Peer Pressure Help kids be less likely to be negatively influenced by peers later on by letting them make decisions, asking them questions instead of telling them what to do, and discussing issues using thinking words.
At age 11 or 12, prepare child to cope with peer pressure by having discussions about the pressures of adolescent life. Say, "Let's talk about your plan for learning how not to be your friends, and become yourself. Help kids pick up toys until kindergarten. After that, toys are their responsibility. Say, "Do you want to pick your toys up, or should I?
If you pick up, you get to see them again. If I pick up, I'll keep them. I think you may need to be older before you have the responsibility. I'm going to take the toy away for now. Keeping Room Clean Toddlers and preschoolers can be taught the joy of having a clean room by parental example. Help the child clean the room, saying, "Doesn't it feel good to line up your toys? Don't tell child when to clean their room. Instead, set a certain time by which it must be done. Say, "Would it be reasonable for you to clean your room by Saturday morning?
You don't have to. You can hire me or a sibling. If you don't decide, I'll choose what to sell. When time's up, hug them and let them out. Disrespect Ask, "Would you like to go to your room or to the basement? Come back when you can talk as calmly as I'm talking now. Say, "I'm confused about what you're trying to tell me.
What To Know About The The ‘Love And Logic’ Parenting Philosophy Bill And Melinda Gates Use
Are you trying to say you're embarrassed, or you feel put down, or you want to be boss, or you hate me, or you don't know a better way to answer? Instead of having to live with consequences and think about solutions, they have a brief moment of pain, then they're off the hook.
Stealing If you make a scene when you catch child stealing, it makes it exciting for the child, which encourages them. Say, "I don't like it when you take my things.
Put it back. What a good kid.
Bad Language Say, "I'll be happy to talk to you when you can use clean and mature language. They don't know many words, so they use those boring swear words. It only took a couple minutes, and I feel much better. When I'm talking to someone else, I can't give you much attention. But when I'm not, I can give you a lot of attention.
Which do you think would be better? Emphasize the alternatives, including friends, family, hobbies, and sports. Temper Tantrums Let tantrums happen. You can't stop them. But, change the location. Ask, "Where would you like to have that tantrum so you don't hurt my ears? In the basement or your room?
Video and Computer Games Make sure children have opportunity to practice setting their own limits, ideally with video games rather than substance abuse or sex.
Parenting with Love and Logic
Point out specifically how video games limit child's creativity and freedom must play within programmed rules, etc. Tell child, "The more time you spend in real life, the more you gain skills to create a world of your own making, not someone else's.
Jan 16, Gail rated it really liked it. Though I wish the book had been more engagingly written and could have done without the religious overtones , I must recommend it to parents as my top pick to date for practical childrearing suggestions e. For example, the authors advise against letting kids see parental anger or frustration. Jul 09, Becca rated it it was amazing Shelves: This book is my dad: Good luck!
I bet YOU wish you were washing some dishes right now! I like it generally, though. I like that it's a plan for approaching discipline in a positive, loving and emotionally easy way: Most of all nurture her ability to hear and follow her own true voice, and maintain a supportive and loving relationship View 2 comments. Aug 06, Aspidistra rated it it was ok Shelves: I am not a fan of this book although I see that there are many useful concepts therein.
The book is frequently recommended for parents adopting older children, but the whole tone of the book put me off. The authors seem to take pleasure in the ways they've invented to show children the natural consequences of misbehaviors.
It's very meanspirited. For post-institutionalized kids in particular, the whole concept of "natural consequences" may not even make sense to them at an age-appropriate level. They need to build trust in their new families and a better understanding of how the world beyond their orphanage walls functions before they can fully grasp the consequences of their actions.
Aug 20, Kristen rated it it was amazing Shelves: My favorite comprehensive, practical parenting book. I do think it's helpful to have a philosophical and theological framework with which to interpet this system, and to know when to veer off the course. However, I think the practical examples are helpful to shift parents towards giving their children more responsibility. Jan 17, Lucy rated it liked it.
I have heard so much about Love and Logic style parenting that I thought I might already know all there is to know about it and didn't even need to read the book. On the off chance I was wrong, I checked it out. Turns out, I knew very little.
I had heard about the "give choices" aspect, but there were plenty of ideas that were brand new to me. Written by a child psychologist and physician, Love and Logic is a parenting philosophy that seems to use Zen techniques to avoid angry confrontations with I have heard so much about Love and Logic style parenting that I thought I might already know all there is to know about it and didn't even need to read the book.
Written by a child psychologist and physician, Love and Logic is a parenting philosophy that seems to use Zen techniques to avoid angry confrontations with children and teach them personal responsibility through natural consequences. To teach them, a parent must never dictate what that child must do but rather manipulate, er If a young child has a tempter tantrum when you tell them it's time to leave, instead of physically taking over or allowing your child to turn the situation into a never-ending negotiation, you ask, "Would you like to leave here with your feet on the floor or your feet in the air?
I don't disagree. I think there is much to be said about the dignity and responsibility of choice. I don't doubt that when run to perfection, the Love and Logic technique produces lovely, independent, resourceful children and more.
The trouble I have is that it requires parents I'd love to implement Love and Logic techniques into our home. Sadly, as one of the adults that is required to make this work, I am also equipped with emotions that do not always bring out the most mature responses. Sometimes, when my children are being unreasonable, I lose my patience. No where, and I mean no where, did I see a situation in where a parent was allowed to do that. Our emotions and subsequent response to each and every situation needs to be calm, neutral and delivered with a robot matter-of-factness.
The line the authors give if unable to think of an appropriate response is, "I love you too much to argue. Another complaint I have with Love and Logic is that there doesn't seems to be a situation where the authors feel that the natural consequence wasn't the best consequence. If your child sleeps in, then they miss school. They can't bother you because that's not part of your day and if you need to leave then they have to pay for the sitter and they have to face the consequences at school for having an unexcused absence.
In the very next chapter, the consequence for staying up late was being tired because you wake them up at 6: I agree that a consequence of staying up late is being tired the next day but what was that whole chapter about missing school?
The authors explain these consequences as paying a price. They argue that the price for learning these things is small and affordable when our children are young and much more costly if they are forced to learn these things as teenagers or, worse, adults themselves. I agree, and would even let my children stay up late or "pay" for an unexcused absence, but when one of the authors I can't remember which one wrote about teaching his 12 year old foster son about being on time and telling him, "I'll pick you up at 5: If you're not there then I'll come again at If you're not there then I'll come again at 7: Was he seriously going to leave a 12 year old out all night long?
To teach him about being late? That sounds like a call to CPS to me, not good parenting. While we have to teach and train, we also must keep them safe and a 12 year old is not equipped to stay out all night. Reading the book is just the tip of the ice berg. I find it ironic that the authors of Love and Logic bill this philosophy as "effective and easy to learn" but have also marketed the book into dozens of other, more detailed books, classes, movies, programs, websites and pamphlets.
And, I don't think they are money wasted because as I have tried to apply what I learned from reading the book, I have found myself hitting all sorts of walls. It didn't answer all my questions and I need more information. That doesn't seem exactly "easy to learn. The first half takes you through the step by step reasoning behind the theory.
The second half is separated into dozens of "pearls" which address specific "what if" situations. Even with those dozens available, my own particular, "what if" wasn't included. I'd love to know how to effectively help my oldest son stop being so hard on himself. But there was no pearl on what to do when your child says, "I'm an idiot.
Somehow, saying, "I love you too much to argue" doesn't seem like the best response. A great book club choice. This is a book that could be discussed all night. Probably even all year. Apr 04, Megan Alton rated it it was ok. I like the logic behind this book. The two principles are "adults must set firm, loving limits using enforceable statements without showing anger, lecturing, or using threats" and "when a child causes a problem, the adult shows empathy through sadness and sorrow and then lovingly hands the problem and it's consequences back to the child.
The examples of conver 2. The examples of conversations between parents and children were laughable and unrealistic. I kept wondering if the authors had ever really had a conversation with a stubborn toddler or teenager. Many of the learning opportunities went too far in my opinion. In one the parent takes the dog to live somewhere else because the child is not feeding it and they are tired of seeing the poor thing's ribs. I think you should be able to teach your child about consequences without letting the dog suffer, maybe try some "if then" scenarios.
It might take longer and require follow up but at least you are not starving a dog. Later the book says it is okay to get angry with your child if they break your scissors because that affects you. This seems so messed up to me. Scissors that were accidentally broken are not that big of a deal, my child bullying is a huge deal. Another thing that bothered me was an example where the parent tells the child they can't help them with something because doing things for them "has put a darkening cloud over my haze of happiness lately.
I might tell my child they are requiring too much or they need to find another way to get something taken care of but I don't think my "haze of happiness" needs to be a part of the conversation. The author's say you are not supposed to use threats in the love and logic approach but then give examples of veiled threats.
They give kids so much credit for being smart which I agree with so I definitely think kids will see the the threats for what they are.
The logic behind the book makes sense to me but I think the authors have gone overboard. I will try to apply the techniques to an extent but I won't be leaving my child out all night or allowing them to fail classes in school in order for them to learn.
I hope I can offer guidance and support to my children as they grow and allow them to deal with some consequences in life without using the "throw them to the wolves" attitude this book seems to take.
I think there should be a balance. I'm hoping I can have a more calm attitude when dealing with my children and that I can give them lots of practice with making choices so that they are prepared to make harder choices as they get older but mostly I am just happy to be done with this silly book.
Jan 10, Dalaina May rated it really liked it Shelves: Initially, my impression of Parenting with Love and Logic was positive. Give your children responsibilities and choices from early on so that they will grow up knowing how to make them just seems like common sense to me.
However, I realized not even halfway through the book that it is fundamentally flawed. The writers assert that a parent's job is to raise self-confident responsible children, capable of navigating the adult world. While I agree that this is an important part of parenting not to be ignored, I do not believe that it is the foundational goal of parenthood.
The goal of parenthood is to raise children in an environment where Christ is so much a part of their reality that to choose to do anything but follow Him would go against everything that they have ever known. Handling chronic lying, bullying, and disobedience is done in the same way as handling bad report cards - empathize, tell the child that you are sure he can handle it, and put the ball back in his court, offering advice only if it is asked for.
This technique does work fantastically in a-moral situations like choosing friends or doing chores, however, the authors are bypassing the very moments that give parents an opportunity to share their faith. We don't bully, not because someone might hit us back or because we won't have any friends, but because followers of Christ are held to the standard of loving others before ourselves. Obviously, one cannot force a child to abide by these beliefs or hold to the, but a child will never be able to articulate his own faith if a parent has not done so himself through actions AND words.
Yet, parents should also read with the understanding that this book is not the end-all solution in a Christian home. It lacks a great deal in grace, in helping a child understand from a moral perspective why things are wrong not just because they reap bad consequences , and in transmitting faith to the next generation.
Aug 10, Rachel rated it it was ok Shelves: I had mixed feelings about this book. On the one hand, I liked the basic principle: We've actually gotten some good results with Zoe when she's refusing to do something using the choices idea.
For instance, by asking her if she wants to walk to the car or get carried, she usually chooses walking rather than choosing not to go to the car at al I had mixed feelings about this book. For instance, by asking her if she wants to walk to the car or get carried, she usually chooses walking rather than choosing not to go to the car at all. I also like the idea that parents should control the things they can and let go of the other stuff.
For instance, you can't make a child eat something or fall asleep. But you can control where a child eats or doesn't eat , when a child is in her or his room at night, etc. Finally, the book had lots of good reminders about praising the good stuff and not even reacting to the negative stuff your child does. However, that's so much easier said than done and the philosophy didn't seem to offer any room for mistakes in that department. And the mock conversations it provides are so hard to read without hearing sarcasm, let alone deliver that way when you're feeling angry.
My major problem with the book was that the application of these principles was often convoluted and sometimes downright cruel I thought --like letting a toddler under two, I think, even choose between sitting and eating nicely in a high chair or playing on the floor, then denying them any more food for the rest of the night if they choose the floor.
Or making a kid who has slept in and missed the school bus not only stay home for the day but stay in his room for 7-some hours because his mother is used to having him gone during the day.
And the organization was utterly atrocious. The editor in me wanted to rip the whole second half of the book apart and put it back together in a way that made more sense. Each chapter was on a different scenario and there would be one on teenagers toddlers, then allowance, then high-chair eating, divorce, and back to money-management. Think stream of consciousness from someone with an unorganized mind. Also, what is with the hokey openings to each chapter in books like this?
I can't even think of an example, but the exaggerated trying-to-be-funny cliched sentences of each chapter almost made me stop reading.
Talk to me like an adult, please. And again, get an editor! Anyway, any suggestions for other parenting books out there??
I was really hoping to like this one more than I did. Jul 15, Charlene added it.
I will start my review with two caveats: I'm probably not going to finish this, and while it contains some good ideas, I stopped reading when it hit total WTFery. The basic concept here is that children learn from experience, i. Makes sense as far as it goes, although discipline is not the same as punishment and taking the responsibility for discipline of I will start my review with two caveats: Makes sense as far as it goes, although discipline is not the same as punishment and taking the responsibility for discipline off the parent and putting it onto the child is a bad, bad idea.
This book unlike Nurtureshock is anecdotal instead of based on research and since it isn't science-based it makes some serious omissions.
There is no mention of neurotypical children at all, which given the rise in autism and the fact that children on the spectrum can go a long ways without being diagnosed, worries me a lot. I picture a neurotypical child being treated to "the Uh Oh Song" and think it's the parent who is in for the Uh Oh. But leaving that aside, since neurotypical children while on the rise are still not the majority, the biggest issue in this approach is not recognizing that biologically and neurologically children are not small adults.
They have still-developing brains that are not capable of the train of logic expected of one anecdotal seven year old; a nine year old, probably, but all children develop at different rates.
Bottom line: In fact, no, no, hell no. Overall a well written book that's very practical and encouraging. Highly recommend to any parent who is struggling with drawing healthy boundaries with their children without anger and intimidation. Click Here for This Week's Tip. Parents All Ages Shop Now. Conferences Hire a Speaker Find a Trainer. Close Recently added item s You have no items in your shopping cart. Products What is Love and Logic for Educators?
Classes and Conferences: You have no items to compare. My Cart. You have no items in your shopping cart. View Cart Checkout. Their view was that instead of punishing kids, which backfires, parents should use logical consequences. This is also what Jane Nelsen, who wrote Positive Discipline, recommended at the time. Which makes sense, except in practice using consequences often ends up looking like punishment to the child.
There's a whole article about using consequences in this way on this website: What's wrong with using Consequences to teach kids lessons? Jane Nelsen, who I interviewed on my radio show, told me that she no longer recommends using consequences because of this problem.
She has really developed the Positive Discipline approach over the years in a wonderful way. My impression -- and I have not done more than go to the website once and read the Love and Logic book, so this is just my opinion -- is that Love and Logic has not done this.
They do use consequences in a way that seems to me to be punishment. For instance, the book gives an example where the kid is rude to the mom, so she sends him to his room. He refuses to go. So she doesn't spank him, but later he is not allowed to have dinner until he goes up the stairs to his room and back to the dinner table twenty times. On the good side, the mom did not lose her temper, hit, or yell. And the authors do say parents should be empathic as they give the consequences.Love and Logic in Action Dad: "Oh, no.
In stock online. Love and Logic Parenting is an approach that aligns well with the Charlotte Mason philosophy.