Editorial Reviews. About the Author. Leslie Braswell is a best-selling author who loves to This book is for all of you beautiful women who are overwhelmed by a breakup, divorce or who are in relationship limbo. This is your survival guide. Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy book. Read 52 reviews from the world's largest community for readers. Being single isn't what it used to be Now it means y. Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy - The Art of No Contact Book Cover Title: Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy - The Art of No Contact Author: Leslie.
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This book is for all of you beautiful women (yes, that means you) who are overwhelmed by a breakup. This is your survival guide, breakup bible, and how to. This book is for all of you beautiful women (yes, that means you) who are overwhelmed by a breakup. This is your survival guide, breakup bible. Leslie Braswell, Ignore the Guy, Get the Guy: The Art of No Contact: A Woman's Survival Guide to Mastering A Breakup and Taking Back Her.
Also, though, Greg is hilarious. Pretend you care less than he does, act super-busy and play hard to get to make the guy you want go crazy for you.
Recognize that no matter how single you feel, there are still dudes in your orbit. Remember that as you proceed into the confusion. Steve has been around the block, knows what guys want and walks the fine line between blunt honesty and well-intentioned almost big-brotherly advice.
Bitches have standards, and women with standards get the men to come calling. That you should be a bitch. No, no, no. If you sit back and let life pass you by, it will. Facilitate interactions. Looking back, do you realize God was opening the door for someone or something better? You can look at this time in your life as a growing experience, or you can allow it to disable you for years. Make the decision to empower yourself to do better and be better than before.
You need affection, to feel loved, wanted and needed. I disagree. Throughout history men and women have worked through breakups, struggles, hard times, infidelity and a host of other setbacks. Sometimes they come back stronger and happier than ever.
But remember it takes two, to make a relationship work. If both parties are unwilling to put forth the effort you have to be able to recognize this, know when to draw the line in the sand and let go. Have the courage to say enough is enough and move on. When you can finally let go is when you will be at peace with yourself.
And this is usually the time Mr. Ex decides to get his act together. It takes four to eight weeks for a man to realize what he has lost.
By that time you may not want him back. Women may take longer to make up their minds, but once we do we stick with it. And it will be sweet. After all, you still believe some answers would be nice. Trust me when I say there are no answers he can provide that will make you feel better right now. Know if a man loves you he will always make you his priority.
You will never have to question his love for you, because his actions will never place a single doubt in your mind.
ADELE www. Regardless if he broke up with you or not, it begins to occur to him you may not have been as interested as he initially thought. If a prolonged amount of time passes with the hider under the impression the seeker has stopped looking, the hider eventually comes out of hiding and actually begins to look for the seeker. Move on and be marvelous. Ex has a vision of you in his mind sitting at home on your sofa, crying into a pillow, surrounded by damp crumpled tissues, drowning your sorrows in a pint size of Bluebell Rocky Road.
Be a man. Just stop calling. And remember how a man treats you when no one is watching is the best test you can give a man. Face to Face This is a real man with character. He was man enough to tell you in person. He respected you enough to end the relationship by giving you closure in the best way he could.
Telephone This is only acceptable in a long distance relationship. Not having to face you gives him the courage to breakup. Email or Text This is immature, heartless and cold. A few other choice words come to mind. Count your blessings this one got away. The Man who Disappears The Houdini that disappeared without a trace takes the path of least resistance.
There are plenty of men that will leave you dangling just to keep you available as an option for another day. He could care less about your feelings. Have another date scheduled before the sun sets tonight.
Men who come and go, in and out of your life are only leaving their options open for another day. Let him do it once, fine. Let him do it twice and you can expect a third, fourth and fifth time. If he simply never called you or text you again, leaving you in a state of confusion and bewilderment have confidence in yourself that you can do better and deserve better. Quit accommodating disrespectful and bad behavior. When you expect more for yourself, guess what? You get www.
I know you feel you need a verbal conversation to obtain closure, but the fact is, a man left you without speaking a word leaving you confused with no clue of any kind speaks volumes about his character. It reflects he has none. This alone should provide you with all of the closure you need. A man who treats your life like a revolving door is just stringing you along.
He has you on a rotation. Move on to a better man that will adore you, spoil you and provide you with the emotional and physical support you want and deserve. Forget him. Change his name to Mr. And because there is an endless supply of women who have no standards, or requirements and who are more than willing to accommodate them.
Was it a one-time slip up that he was so riddled with guilt over that he confessed his sin? Were you tipped off by a third-party?
Or, was it full-fledged affair that took place over months or even years? Did you have to turn into a female version of Sherlock Holmes to figure out what the hell was going on? Was there premeditated sex? Did he take her on business trips to entertain clients, spend time with her family and have preplanned rendezvous?
The one time affair is the easiest to forgive. Men are weak. He made a mistake. And he let the other woman believe the same. The problem lies within him. A relationship consists of two people, not three. If there was a problem he should have come to you long before going to another woman. Because holding on to that baggage can be paralyzing; it can cripple you and keep you from performing in your next encounter. No contact is exactly what you need to think with a clear mind.
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Soon those feelings of love may turn into feelings of nausea when you think of how disrespectful this man has treated you. But messier. It makes him feel like less of an ass than he is. He feels guilty for breaking up, and believes by offering his friendship he is s being a great guy. Disappear from his radar. Another reason Mr. Forget him and find a man who wants to be your best friend and lover. Ex quickly. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.
It takes over your emotions and you become addicted to that man. You bond with him. Ex is the only man for you. Understand any man with a pulse and a penis can provide it.
It will only lead to him becoming bored once again and will eventually take you for granted. Men marry women they adore, cherish and the key element that sends a man out to download the ring: Respect. Understand that just because Mr. Ex wants to sleep with you does not mean he loves you or is even thinking about a future with you.
And it definitely does not mean that he is seeking a reconciliation with you. And will never want to cause you one minute of pain. It would actually cause him pain to see you hurt.
Steve Harvey described it best in his book Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man when he explained the mindset of a man when it comes to loving the woman he is committed to. Meaning he will always introduce you as his lady, girlfriend, wife or significant other. A man will always protect you to make sure that no harm will come your way emotionally or physically. Last but not least, a man that loves and cares for you will provide for you in whatever capacity he can. You want a man that is a rock of strength, not one that vanishes at the first sign of trouble.
If a man breaks up with you for any reason, or disappears for a week or longer you need to really step back and look at the relationship for what it is. This means if he tells you he needs time to think about what he wants, or the worst… when he just falls off the face of the earth without giving an explanation…you need to cut him off and disappear! To take you seriously he has to put you in a different category than he does the other women on his rotation. The man you believed you would spend the rest of your life with.
Turn the tables on him so to speak. When he resurfaces let it be a few weeks before he can find you. Men know they are supposed to place a phone call! Make it clear to him you expect a man to be present in your life. Let him know from the beginning he walked out on the relationship and you have no time for a man that treats your life like a revolving door.
Continue to move forward with your life without skipping a beat. Men only appreciate what they have to work hard for. You may have found yourself being too available and accommodating. Men crave a challenge. And this takes place over time and before you sleep with him.
See Chapter Ten. Take notice of how a man treats you, cares for you and how he protects you. Does he check to make sure the air in your tires are full before going on an out-of-town trip? Does he make sure you have everything you need, to do whatever you have to do that particular day? Does he remember birthdays, holidays and plan a romantic dinner for Valentines? Does he listen? Does he care about your safety during bad weather? Is he proud of you? Does he want to show you off?
Does he introduce you to his friends and family? Does he do little things to make you happy? And most importantly does he protect your heart? A man that cares for you would never do you harm emotionally. If your answer is no to most of these questions you should ask yourself why you are allowing this man to remain in your life? When you find a man who treats you well this is the man you should appreciate and should be the grand prize winner of your heart. Not the man that causes tears to flow from your eyes.
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Make sure his actions are proving his love to you… not his words. You deserve better! Standing your ground, holding on to your own beliefs, convictions and knowing when your kindness is being taken for granted will earn his respect. Identify your needs. Do you need more affection? More sex? Let another woman waste her time. Only he can make the necessary changes in his life.
Know you deserve the best a man has to offer and refuse to settle for crumbs. If Mr. Ex is keeping you on the fence now would be a great time to tell him he knows your number and you hope he calls when he figures out what he wants out of life. Your next move is to let your actions speak louder than any words you could ever communicate and go completely silent.
Only when you emotionally detach yourself will you be available, open and ready for love with Mr. And Mr.
Right is the man who will meet your physical and emotional needs without fail and without you having to ask for it.
The sooner you begin the No Contact rule; you enable yourself to emotionally heal from the inside, which enables you to be emotionally available for Mr. If you keep Mr.
If you keep him in your life he may continue to hurt you. Be smart enough to recognize when two people have different needs and mature enough to realize it will never work out and just let go.
The more you stay in contact with him the longer it will be before you can actually move on. The rest cheat in Europe. Ex lives in America. He may just be selfish and want his cake in one hand, ice cream in the other and you sitting there feeding it to him with a silver spoon.
Do not under any circumstances compete for his love with another woman. When you compete you demean yourself. And it sends a loud and clear message of desperation. He may have two women who provide him with and fulfill different needs of his own.
Move on to someone who will make his mission in life to keep you happy and satisfied. Love yourself enough to move on. Keep him on the ex-list forever.
Listen to it, trust it and let it be your best friend. Unfortunately, many women confuse intuition with insecurities. Especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
This is the time when you need to trust your intuition the most. Whatever the case may be find the underlying cause of it. And by the way, if you have to ask where you stand in a relationship that is a big, flashing neon warning sign that there is no relationship! He will never place doubt in your mind. Know that remaining in touch even after a breakup will cause you to feel loyal to him.
This is a hard one for some women to get past. Wake Up! Ex is home feeling sorry for himself on a Saturday night. Chances are after the breakup he was scrolling through his contact list looking for your replacement before God got the news. Start making yourself available to Mr. Right and unavailable to Mr. During your relationship you probably took yourself off the market and made yourself unavailable to all the eligible men that were pursuing you. If you allow Mr.
Ex to remain in your life you may not give those eligible bachelors that deserve a date with you a chance. Make up your mind that you are not going to let a breakup, break you. You can allow it to be as messy as you want or handle it with class. By starting with No Contact, it gives you both the time and space you need to gather your thoughts and think with a clear head.
To gain control of your emotions so that eventually, you both can speak calmly in a mature way to one another. You have to take some time to regain your composure.
No Contact is the very best way to emotionally and physically detach from Mr. Cut the ties that bind and heal your heart.
Accept that if it is meant to be, it will be. But for the time being you are not going to wait around for love to come knocking on your door. Sometimes you have to get out and invite love in. What the hell? I wonder, do you think she expected a reconciliation after that?
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If you are plotting revenge in any way, shape or form stop right now in your tracks. Forever does not really mean… forever.
Relationships start and end every day. Accept the fact unless a breakup ends on your terms any breakup you experience in the future will end with pain and heartache. I bet you have at least one girlfriend who mentally lost it after a breakup. I want to start with what lengths the most sensible women will go to after the initial stages of a breakup to gain attention.
If you catch yourself doing anything out of the ordinary lean to family and friends and seek help during this time. Keep your mind and body busy to avoid allowing emotions to override your logic and do anything drastic. Think about the future. What do you think Mr. Ex will have to say about you while enjoying dinner with his friends or family? Or, will you be the one he regrets losing? You want Mr.
Ex is you are going a little crazy. He received your message! A good rule to live by is if you send a text message and receive no response—you should never send a second one. Conversations through text messages are for teenagers.
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He knows the accidental text ploy. No nothing. If you dial his number know in advance Mr. Ex is going to hit the option to ignore your call. Besides, Mr. Ex will have nothing to say that can or will bring you the closure you need. No calling by mistake, delete his number, block his number if you must or sit on your hands, read a book, go for a jog, or email me! Do anything but dial his number! Ex to take you back. Would you date a man who cried, begged and pleaded for you to date him?
It would make him appear desperate and pathetic, right? Again, think long term, not short term satisfaction. Stop it! No attempts to contact him whatsoever. Most men and women consider this a major turn off and illegal. If you frequented the same places find another place to frequent.
Right now you need to be scarce. If you have children together the same applies. Deal with the issues at hand in a calm, mature manner and find your exit as quickly as possible. No desperately seeking closure emails. Not a peep! Have some pride and know that what is attractive to a man is a woman who is independent and self-sufficient. Again, think long term. Think back to what made him fall in love with you to begin with and be that woman. This is a tough one that requires massive self-control.
What your ex does from this point on is none of your concern. Ask yourself if you really want to know what new girls appear as his friends or followers. This will only hurt you in the end and make you a little crazy along the way. Block him. Delete him. Do whatever you have to do, but do yourself a favor and refrain from becoming obsessed with his social networking activity. If you had the same friends by all means remain friends, just remember they are his friends also.
When you run in to them make small talk and be on your way. No bashing Mr. Only if they bring him up in conversation should you reply with something complimentary about him. No tears or breakdowns. Put on a performance that would make Glenn Close green with envy.
Ex jealous. Ex will see any attempts to make him jealous as the desperate-attention-seeking methods they truly are. Rather, go out to enjoy yourself and to move on. Look at what you posted in the previous two months prior to the breakup. The same applies to posting sad, depressing expressions of love. Continue to be the beautiful, respectful, fun woman he fell in love with.
Any attempts to get his attention during this time will only backfire and make you look a mess. If sex was what tied relationships together everyone would be blissfully married. No sex before monogamy. To have sex with you again he needs to prove his love for you. Imagine how constantly calling, sending text messages or accidentally running into him www. You may also believe a friendly harmless text message to Mr. Ex just to remind him you are still out in the world will do no harm and will actually remind him of all the warm fuzzy feelings the two of you once shared.
Let me assure you that Mr. Ex knows where you are and how to find you. Understand that there is really nothing that will keep a man away from a woman he loves.
He has the same means of communication you have. He still has your number. You may very well be pursing Mr. Ex after the breakup and not even realize it. You may be seeking closure in an attempt to save the broken relationship.
Ex began to detach himself emotionally. Chances are he stopped initiating calls, texts and stopped making plans in advance. When this happened you may have unintentionally shifted into the pursuer mode without even knowing that you were doing it. Some of the signs that you may have been pursing him include, but are not limited to calling him, texting, emailing, making arrangements for a date night or just to see him. Not the other way around. And when a man loves you, he is going to want to see you.
The list could go on and on. Understand every single action you take will be viewed as a sign of desperation and neediness and is massaging his ego. Your only job is to show him you can live without him. Most importantly — make your exit with class, dignity and pride intact. Ex-looking blissful and beautiful. Your friends never saw you happier. Now the shame and embarrassment of another failed relationship rears its ugly head. How do you handle it on Facebook and Twitter? The reason why is simple.
For a man to want you, he has to miss you. The smart girl quietly takes down any photographs especially profile pictures that include Mr.
Or she moves them to an album where privacy settings are set to private. Delete and move forward.
Making a public announcement is not required or necessary. Just as you phased him in your life, phase him out. Do you post pictures of great food, your kids or check into favorite restaurants you frequent? Continue to make posts in the same manner you have done in the past few weeks or months. If you never posted anything before, no need to start now.
If you begin to post or tweet every aspect of your life to prove to the world how happy you are it will only draw attention. People see right through this charade. The same is true if you start posting or tweeting veiled innuendos directed at Mr. Ex to your six-hundred and fifty-eight friends.
If you dated for a good amount of time you both probably have mutual friends in common. If you choose the first option it only confirms in his mind the split was in his best interest. Rather, wait at least three days and change it privately. Preset your settings to private in advance to avoid posting it on your newsfeed.
If you want to grab Mr.
Gradually start posting pictures of yourself with friends looking fabulous. Word will get back to him through your mutual friends. Excuse me…Are you trying to tell the world, specifically Mr. And remember that in the overall grand overall design a breakup is…just a breakup. You have no choice but to move on and be even more amazing than before. If you do anything choose not to logon for a while. Remember, the world will only know what you put out for everyone to see. When you ask yourself how long you should wait before contacting Mr.
Demanded they reconsider. And learn to enjoy being hunted. This unfortunately is where many women go wrong. Now, more than ever you have to sit back and let him initiate contact first. Calling Mr. For a man to want anything you have to make him think it was his idea.Be a high value woman showing self-confidence, integrity, femininity and independence and a desirable woman playful and spontaneous and men will get in line. The one time affair is the easiest to forgive. The only source of comfort was crawling in bed in the fetal position asking God to please wrap his arms around her, give her comfort and strength.
Your friends never saw you happier. Men marry women they adore, cherish and the key element that sends a man out to download the ring: Respect. And prince William went back to her.
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