Our best-selling parenting and classroom management books teach parents and teachers to be both firm and kind, so that any child–from a three-year-old. The Official Positive Discipline Website by Founder Dr. Jane Nelsen We offer a wide range of products for Parents and Teachers including Books, CDs, DVDs. For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups working with children. Now Jane Nelsen, distinguished psychologist, educator, and mother of seven, has written a revised and expanded edition. The key to positive discipline is not.
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Learn parenting the Positive Discipline way! Dr. Jane Nelsen provides respectful and powerful insights on positive parenting from toddlers to teenagers. For twenty-five years, Positive Discipline has been the gold standard reference for grown-ups Author interviews, book reviews, editors' picks, and more. Roslyn Duffy, also a coauthor of several Positive Discipline books, is a child care director with over seventeen years of experience, a counselor in private.
Tsabary explains exactly how this works as she guides caregivers towards getting what we really want for our children — a strong foundational center from which their own inspired actions can naturally arise. I read this book for the first time as a class assignment in college. The authors do a great job teaching how to treat children like capable and worthy people, as opposed to irresponsible, unimportant, or unlikable.
They first convince the reader to stop criticizing children for how they think or feel and instead focus upon acknowledging how children might be feeling. The second point they emphasize is to make correcting behavior about the behavior , instead of about the child. A must read for all parents, teachers, and caregivers! This book about the importance of how we communicate is so popular that the author has created several more versions to help you with different age stages from toddler to teen!
Click on the links to learn more about each one:.
Parents can learn to embrace mistakes as wonderful learning opportunities to raise respectful, responsible, and caring children. This positive discipline book helped me to form an integral piece of my parenting strategy, but I did not agree with everything written.
I loved the concepts of natural consequences, enforceable choices, and encouraging children to think through their problems. My husband and I both found some of the examples encouraging, while others seemed a bit harsh and overdone.
I used one primary concept from this approach to form my discipline style and ditched the rest of the information. According to the author, the Magic technique offers a foolproof method of disciplining children ages two through 12 without arguing, yelling, or spanking. In it, parents and teachers can learn to manage troublesome behavior, encourage good behavior, and strengthen the parent-child relationship using counting and time-outs. I love how easy it is to get my daughter to do something I ask of her by simply counting.
Most of the time anyway. Click on the blue hyperlinked text to learn more about how we use each self-regulation strategy in our home. I hope you and your family find these positive discipline books and parenting strategies as helpful as we have — Enjoy! Love Janet Lansbury and Magic! I love your approach to counting instead of ending with a time out. So glad you liked them, Kalista! I hope you were able to find a few new gems in this collection.
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Learn how your comment data is processed. Home About Terms of Service: Share on Facebook 35 Save to Pinterest Email. Now check your email to confirm your subscription. There was an error submitting your subscription. Please try again. Email Address. Positive acts should be met with encouragement instead of praise, as Kohn advocates, with the goal that the child will be able to function well on his or her own in the future. Here lies the book's greatest strength. View 2 comments. May 03, Sarah rated it it was amazing Shelves: I borrowed this from the library; now I'm going to download it so I can highlight and return to it often.
Sep 11, Bridgid rated it really liked it. Children don't develop this belief when parents do any of these things do too much for them, overprotect them, rescue them, don't spend enough time with them, download too many things for their children, do homework for their children, nag, demand Nor do they develop the skills that help them feel capable when they are always told what to do without the experience of focusing on solutions where they are respectfully involved and can practice the skills parents hope they will develop.
On changes in society "The first major change is that adults no longer give children an example or model of submissiveness and obedience. Adults forget that they no longer act the way they used to in the good old days. It is important to note that equality does not mean the same. Four quarters and a dollar bill are very different, but equal.
We need to provide opportunities for children to experience responsibility in direct relationship to the privileges they enjoy. Otherwise, they become dependent recipients who feel that the only way to achieve belonging and significance is by manipulating other people into their service. I am capable 2. I contribute in meaningful ways and I am genuinely needed 3. I can influence what happens to me 4.
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Intrapersonal skills i. Interpersonal skills i. Strong systemic skills responsibility, adaptability, flexibility, integrity 7. Strong judgement skills "Many people feel strongly that strictness and punishment work. I agree. I would never say that punishment does not 'work'. Punishment does 'work' in that it usually stops the misbehavior immediately.
But what are the long term results? We are often fooled by immediate results. The long term results of punishment are that children usually adopt one or all of the Four R's of Punishment: Resentment - "This is unfair.
I can't trust adults. Revenge - "They are winning now, but I'll get even. Rebellion - "I'll do just the opposite to prove I don't have to do it their way. Retreat a Sneakiness - "I won't get caught next time" b Reduced self esteem - "I am a bad person" "Where did we ever get the crazy idea that in order to make children do better, first we have to make them feel worse? Is it kind and firm at the same time respectful and encouraging?
Does it help children feel a sense of belonging and significance connection? Is it effective long term? Does it teach valuable social and life skills for good character respect, concern for others, problem solving, contribution, etc. Some phrases to use: Your turn is coming I know you can say that in a respectful way I care about you and will wait until we both can be respectful or have calmed down to continue this conversation I know you can think of a helpful solution Act, don't talk for example, quietly and calmly take the child by the hand and show him or her what needs to be done We'll talk about it later.
Now it is time to get in the car. When the child is having a temper tantrum We need to leave the store now. We'll try again later or tomorrow. Basic Concepts "Winning over children makes them losers, and losing generally causes children to be rebellious or blindly submissive.
Neither characteristics are desirable. Winning children over means gaining their willing cooperation. Express understanding for the child's feelings. Be sure to check with her to see if you are right 2. Show empathy without condoning. Empathy does not mean you agree. It simply means that you understand the child's perception.
A nice touch here is to share times when you have felt or behaved similarly. Share your feelings and perceptions 4. Invite the child to focus on a solution Basic Adlerian Concepts: Children are social beings 2. Behavior is goal oriented 3. A child's primary goal is to belong and feel significant 4. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child 5. Social responsibility or community feeling "It is extremely important to teach social responsibility to children.
What good is academic learning if young people do not learn to become contributing members of society? Dreikurs often said, 'Don't do anything for a child that a child can do for herself. Instead they may develop the belief that they need to be taken care of or that they are 'entitled' to special service Recognize - "Wow, I made a mistake" 2.
Reconcile - "I apologize" 3. Resolve - "Let's work together on a solution" Ch. To develop competence in a completely different area 2. To compete and try to be better than other siblings 3. To be rebellious or revengeful 4. Only children will be more similar to oldest or youngest, depending on whether they were pampered like a youngest or given more responsibility like an oldest. When parents continue to dress their children after the age of three, they are robbing them of developing a sense of responsibility, self-sufficiency, and self-confidence.
They are less likely to develop the belief that they are capable. This provides good reason to adopt the mistaken interpretation that they must be different in some way in order to be significant. Only children usually have the same high expectations of themselves that they felt from their parents.
It may be more important for them to be unique than to be first. When a child has had an opportunity to be in a position for more than four years, he has already formed many interpretations about life and himself and how to find belonging and significance.
These may be modified when the family constellation changes but usually are not changed entirely. This child has decided, 'If I can't be the best or first, why try? Dad realized it was more important to allow Mark some experience with losing Youngest like to be taken care of, oldest like to take care of, so it seems like a perfect match.
However, as Adler said, 'Tell me your complaint about your spouse and I will tell you why you married that person in the first place. The trouble begins when they can't agree on who is in charge Adult stands on a chair, 'child' kneels in front of them and says, "I'm a child and I just want to belong. Can't you see I'm busy? Teens often misinterpret the body language of those around them as being aggressive when it isn't.
This children see for what it is - disguised punishment. When you stand in the rain, you get wet. When you don't eat, you get hungry.
When you forget your coat, you get cold. For example, a mother She explained that from now on she would wash only the clothes in the hamper. When a child is in danger - i. Take time for training - explain why running in the street in dangerous during ALL times when you walk or are near the street 3.
When the results of children's behavior do not seem like a problem to them, natural consequences are ineffective - i. Related 2. Respectful 3. Reasonable 4.
It is difficult but effective to remain kind and firm during this testing period. Having toys is a privilege. The responsibility that goes along with the privilege is to take care of the toys Children seem to care more about things in which they have an investment.
They are active participants in the process, not passive and often resistant receivers. How would you feel, what would you think, and what would you do if your spouse or colleague cornered you and said, 'I don't like what you did. You can just go to time out and think about what you did. It is designed to help children feel better so they can access their rational brains , not to make them feel worse It is not effective to focus on solutions until everyone has calmed down enough to have access to their rational brains.
Take time for training - talk about how helpful positive time out can be before you use it. Teach children about the value of a cooling-off period and the importance of waiting until everyone feels better before trying to solve conflicts. Allow children to create their own time out area - an area that will help them feel better so they can do better. One preschool teacher created a time out 'grandma' by stuffing some old clothing with soft cloth. The children would be asked, 'Would it help you to go sit on Grandma's lap for a while?
Develop a plan with the children in advance 4. Teach children that when they feel better, they can follow up by working on a solution or making amends.
The Best Positive Discipline Books for Parents and Educators
Curiosity Questions: How do you feel about what happened? What do you think caused it to happen? What did you learn from this?
How can you use in the future what you learned? What ideas do you have for solutions now? What is your understanding of what it means to clean up the kitchen? Using Encouragement Effectively "Remember the hidden messages behind behavior: Mutual respect incorporates attitudes of a faith in the abilities of yourself and others b interest in the point of view of others as well as your own c willingness to take responsibility and ownership for your own contributions to the problem "Seek improvement, not perfection.
Children feel better about themselves when they are helping others. From ages , children Praise Praise addresses the doer of the deed, i. What do others think Encouragement is internal, i. What do I think? Praise robs a person of ownership of their own achievement: Dec 16, Michael Escalante rated it really liked it Shelves: The writing is certainly nothing special and many of her ideas felt pat and underdeveloped, but I thought this book was highly practical and personally relevant.
I've realized that I could be a much better Father and that I have stopped doing some things that were once habit. My children are in no place to learn from mistakes when their emotions are still high or worse - when my emotions are high. I can The writing is certainly nothing special and many of her ideas felt pat and underdeveloped, but I thought this book was highly practical and personally relevant. Here are some of Nelsen's core parenting ideas: Punishment only helps in the short run and rarely if ever in the long run.
Spend meaningful one on one time. Set expectations in advance. Encourage children to participate in setting expectations. Help children problem solve but don't do it for them Aug 03, Titilayo rated it liked it.
I probably would have gotten more from this book if I didn't teach lower elementary students in a departmentalized setting. I can adapt the activities for the little people, but the daily circle routine won't work well for us. Mar 22, Jeanette Lukens rated it really liked it.
Great book, I learned a lot, and the strategies are already very helpful. Sep 12, Teanne rated it really liked it. Positive Discipline is designed to have mutual respect, see a misbehaving child as a discouraged child, use encouragement as the basic motivator, and teach life skills. It goes into detail about why children misbehave: And it guides you on how to deal with Positive Discipline is designed to have mutual respect, see a misbehaving child as a discouraged child, use encouragement as the basic motivator, and teach life skills.
And it guides you on how to deal with the misbehavior. I really felt like this is a much better, peaceful way to discipline where your child will actually learn life lessons rather than just getting punished.
I agree that children need love and encouragement- they need to be taught not scolded. We are not inspired to do better when someone makes us feel worse for making a mistake- when they add blame, pain and shame- and children won't be inspired to do better under those circumstances either. Oct 17, Dani rated it it was amazing.
The Best Positive Discipline Books for Parents and Educators
I have a whole library of parenting books, but this one I actually read for a seminar I took at the kids school and I am not sure if that is what made the difference or not, but I thought this book was brilliant.
I am testing out almost all the tools outlined in this book and since my kids are old enough I'm explaining that this is what i am doing, The strategies really seem to be working to keep things positive.
It is about half understanding how your behavior affects the dynamic and half how t I have a whole library of parenting books, but this one I actually read for a seminar I took at the kids school and I am not sure if that is what made the difference or not, but I thought this book was brilliant.
It is about half understanding how your behavior affects the dynamic and half how to understand and manage your child's part in family challenges. I don't know if I read this in a vacuum, without the discussion and guidance of the workshops, if it would still be on my shelf with all the others - but as it stands, it was a huge eye-opener lots of a-ha moments and I'd highly recommend this if you feel like you need some new tools to keep things sane with your kids.
Oct 30, Leslie rated it it was amazing Shelves: This is by far the best parenting book I have ever read. I read it in conjunction with taking the class, which I highly recommend.
I understand more clearly now why I parent the way I do and why I get the results that I do. I now know what I need to work on to achieve a different outcome.
I love that idea that there are no perfect parents and mistakes are opportunities for learning. It takes so much pressure off of me to know that if I blow it, I can always go back to my child later and try agai This is by far the best parenting book I have ever read. It takes so much pressure off of me to know that if I blow it, I can always go back to my child later and try again.
I have used several of the techniques thus far and they really do work. And if one doesn't work on that particular child, I try another.
I am so happy I finally took this class and look forward to my husband taking it next. Oct 17, Tanya W rated it it was amazing Shelves: Well, I have read a lot of parenting books I find this parenting theory really resonates with how I feel parenting should be Now that's the best thing about substitute teaching high school I can read a book I have been wanting to f Well, I have read a lot of parenting books I have been wanting to finish this one for a long time but have only made baby steps progress until today.
I'm going to add a bunch of notes later really for my benefit to reinforce my learning. Sep 04, Natali rated it really liked it. This book has a really great philosophy, although it becomes a little repetitive. The chapters on eating and potty training could have been combined because the philosophy is the same: Have empathy for their growing pains. Despite the length, I enjoyed the author's philosophy and research very much.
It is a great read for anyone raising a toddler to help them understand what life is like for them. Feb 21, Ben Paulson rated it really liked it. Took a while to read, but this is a great book for parents and teachers too.
I wouldn't necessarily recommend it before having kids, but as our son is now 4 so many of the examples begin to ring true. You can clearly see how your own biases and frustrations can translate into how you approach discipline for your child and this book really helps to re-frame the picture.
Will have to read this again in the future to more fully incorporate some of the teaching involved. Jan 13, Erin rated it it was amazing Shelves: This is like no other parenting book I've ever read. I just need to practice now. Including me.
Positive Discipline Parenting Tools Book
This book came at the perfect juncture in my life. I feel like it was perhaps divine intervention that led me to this book.But where do you go for the answers to such questions as: Then if you need help translating empathy into toddler-ese, The Happiest Toddler on the Block is what you need.
There are lists of strategies for each of these. I borrowed this from the library; now I'm going to download it so I can highlight and return to it often. I really felt like this is a much better, peaceful way to discipline where your child will actually learn life lessons rather than just getting punished.
Strong judgement skills "Many people feel strongly that strictness and punishment work.
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